wow is 'wow' spelled backwards

wow.

weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and then a day or two. then weeks and weeks. i'm not posting, i'm not sleeping, i'm not eating, i'm not watching any television and less than any movies. i'm not reading. i'm not fixing things (well, mechanical things at least). i'm not staring into space. i'm not sweating equations in my sleep. i'm not writing. i'm not cutting my hair. i'm not shaving. i'm not lounging.

but i'm liking it.

no more wishing for something to do, no more feeling powerless. no more waiting for something to happen. no more wishing there were something to come home to. no more wishing there were someone to talk to. no more feeling trapped and no more feeling unable.

no more being alone. no more bitter or jaded shards of nostalgia whipped with longing. no more watching everyone else pass by.

i am shooting my film. i am buying a house. i am writing more scripts, i am reading more scripts. i am planning ahead and i am being spontaneous. i am not worrying and i am not being careless. i am working hard. i am sleeping well (when i sleep). i am not alone and i am not going to be abandoned. i have stability and the chance to do anything.